Jumoke was my friend. Not my best friend, and to be honest with you, we hadn't spoken really in years. He let me know that my life was too chaotic for him, he needed people to be stable and not crazy. I wasn't that guy at the time. I was blessed to see him a few months ago, randomly on the street. I told him that I loved him and I missed him. Please call me, I miss you blood, I'm much better now.
He told me he would, and we looked back at each other. I didn't know that would be the last time I saw him. I never stopped being his friend. I loved that guy, he had a huge heart, and an excellent mind. He had played basketball at Saint Marys College, where he set some records. He also played chess. He was from Alaska, if you can believe that.
I've lost plenty of people to death, but the older I get the harder it gets for me. Jumoke and I met when I first moved back to Oakland, my first apartment by the lake on Athol. He and I moved in the same week. He had the little studio down the hall. That guy loved buying shoes, he had so many shoes! We used to talk about all kinds of stuff, but mostly women. He really helped me to sort out my anger issues. I was dating this sister at the time, who was/is a beautiful human being, but she and I made better friends than lovers. We would have these blow out arguments and it was Jumoke who would help me calm my self afterwards.
I don't know what else to say. He was my brother and I loved him. I'll miss him for the rest of my days here on the planet.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Heart of A Lion-Tony Quan-TEMPT
I just came back from LA, visiting wth my folks and fam. While i was in LALA land, I stopped by to see one of my old friends Tony Qn aka Tempt.
Tony has ALS disease. It's a debilitating nerve disease that has my friend paralyzed except for his facial muscles...can you even imagine? For most of us, that would be it. We'd will ourselves to the next plane. But this King has a will that you can not imagine. He is so alive, I could feel it in his room.
I am not someone who does well with seeing other people in poor health. I realize this is a weakness of mine that I must root out. It's kept me from deathbeds, I'm telling you if you get sick, don't expect me to come see you, it's really really hard for me, because somewhere in my head, you're going to die. There, I said it. We are all going to die, but if I see people in the hospital, I don't expect them to come out.
We got lost going there, and didn't stay long, but Tony was able to talk to us through his computer, and he seemed to be in good spirits. He is also able to still create his art, which is great because he is an amazing artist. We lose a lot by not having this amazing artist/philosopher/educator/king of a man out of the hospital and able bodied. It hurts. When he was able, he had a physical presence that was familial and warm. I instantly took to this guy and he to me. I can't fucking believe this disease has him down like this. I can't even be polite when I write about it.
There's no cure yet. Even if there are effective treatments, he's not getting them. I want to do all that I can to improve the quality of life for T, so if there's anybody out there that knows anything useful about ALS and treatment or devices or anything to help my brother, please contact me.
Peace and Love.
Tony has ALS disease. It's a debilitating nerve disease that has my friend paralyzed except for his facial muscles...can you even imagine? For most of us, that would be it. We'd will ourselves to the next plane. But this King has a will that you can not imagine. He is so alive, I could feel it in his room.
I am not someone who does well with seeing other people in poor health. I realize this is a weakness of mine that I must root out. It's kept me from deathbeds, I'm telling you if you get sick, don't expect me to come see you, it's really really hard for me, because somewhere in my head, you're going to die. There, I said it. We are all going to die, but if I see people in the hospital, I don't expect them to come out.
We got lost going there, and didn't stay long, but Tony was able to talk to us through his computer, and he seemed to be in good spirits. He is also able to still create his art, which is great because he is an amazing artist. We lose a lot by not having this amazing artist/philosopher/educator/king of a man out of the hospital and able bodied. It hurts. When he was able, he had a physical presence that was familial and warm. I instantly took to this guy and he to me. I can't fucking believe this disease has him down like this. I can't even be polite when I write about it.
There's no cure yet. Even if there are effective treatments, he's not getting them. I want to do all that I can to improve the quality of life for T, so if there's anybody out there that knows anything useful about ALS and treatment or devices or anything to help my brother, please contact me.
Peace and Love.
TEMPT + EYEWRITER August 12, 2009 from james powderly on Vimeo.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
new love poem
Love is that which binds the universe. It propels starlight into our eyes, causes us to pull together, lift each other up.
Makes my chest and heart swell
It makes me whisper to the young people on the back of the bus… ”little sister, you are better than all of this”
“little man, you are a King. Bless you”
It is how the moon pulls the white waves. Love.
How we create life and light in the dark.
Love
Makes me braid my babys’ hair. I kiss her on her head while she sleeps. It is love.
That makes me breathe with my son. Watch him run fast. Cross the finish line first, son, run.
That made them wake up early before the sun, strap on sacks and bend low in the cotton fields. Count de bale. Get a few dollars before school.
It calls me into your arms, where we are, the air is sweet and warm. It is love.
It pulls, it pushes
It sticks to me. Words, sounds, smells, tastes, colors. Stick to me, in my mind your words.
On my fingers, in my hair, on my cheeks, my tongue and lips, you are all those places, you stay there, I have been finding you days later. Inappropriate sometimes the finding.
Keeps me coming back to you. Calling me always, a soft tugging mostly, sometimes a deep pulling, love. I sit outside your door and listen to you breathing. It’s okay, you’re safe. It’s love.
You have called out to me over and over again, but I’ve been here all along. I sit by your side in your sleep, laughing at your dreams and soothing you in the nightmares.
Nothing is impossible for me, there is nothing that I am
Makes my chest and heart swell
It makes me whisper to the young people on the back of the bus… ”little sister, you are better than all of this”
“little man, you are a King. Bless you”
It is how the moon pulls the white waves. Love.
How we create life and light in the dark.
Love
Makes me braid my babys’ hair. I kiss her on her head while she sleeps. It is love.
That makes me breathe with my son. Watch him run fast. Cross the finish line first, son, run.
That made them wake up early before the sun, strap on sacks and bend low in the cotton fields. Count de bale. Get a few dollars before school.
It calls me into your arms, where we are, the air is sweet and warm. It is love.
It pulls, it pushes
It sticks to me. Words, sounds, smells, tastes, colors. Stick to me, in my mind your words.
On my fingers, in my hair, on my cheeks, my tongue and lips, you are all those places, you stay there, I have been finding you days later. Inappropriate sometimes the finding.
Keeps me coming back to you. Calling me always, a soft tugging mostly, sometimes a deep pulling, love. I sit outside your door and listen to you breathing. It’s okay, you’re safe. It’s love.
You have called out to me over and over again, but I’ve been here all along. I sit by your side in your sleep, laughing at your dreams and soothing you in the nightmares.
Nothing is impossible for me, there is nothing that I am
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
New Poem-Birth
Birth
She said "From Struggle We Birth Miracles" I laughed and said "Well, call me Jesus. God of Unconditional Love." I named it and the Light Shone upon the Deep. I called you Love, watched you turn into the Moon start spinning and stirring the Oceans.
She said "From Struggle We Birth Miracles" I laughed and said "Well, call me Jesus. God of Unconditional Love." I named it and the Light Shone upon the Deep. I called you Love, watched you turn into the Moon start spinning and stirring the Oceans.The water of You is in my body. Gave Life and Birth and Blood/First Breath all came from you. My every heartbeat echoes You. I Am Because We Are.
We were there together in the Beginning. I knew you before naming, I knew you.
Now we are many, shining like the stars.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Homophobia, Buju Banton, Tolerance and Love
So recently I went to go see Buju Banton on his "Rasta Got Soul" tour. I admit that I like his music, he's cool and all but if my longtime friend wasn't his manager then I probably never would have gone. I rarely go out and when I do it's usually some old school hip hop group. I love reggae music, I'd just rather enjoy it without all the pasta-farians and Jah Fake uns who come to the venue. "Yes Iyah"..."My Bredren". I have nothing against Rastas. Love em. I am just really bothered by anyone who adopts other peoples culture as a fashion statement.
Having said that, I love Liberation Music. All music that celebrates Freedom, Justice and Love, that's what I want my head to be filled with.
Buju has been getting the business from the LGBT community over a song that he made almost twenty years ago that talked about burning gays with acid, killing them, a lot of nasty ish. I don't think that's cool. That's lynching, a hate crime and as a human being I don't stand by that. But then I learned that the story isn't that simple.
He made the song when he was a teenager. The song was written, very quickly, in anger as a response to the news that some sexual tourist (read predator) had molested a young boy in Jamaica.
His record label doesn't even own the song, he makes no money from it. It was released after he was famous by someone else. He retains no rights to it at all.
He has performed it, but only rarely and the song has been recontextualized and paired with a love song to make it almost a different work entirely.
Now I am not saying Buju is going to march with the folks in the Pride Parade. I can't see that happening, but what he might do is continue to say that the beliefs in that song are no longer his beliefs. I was at a meeting with Buju, his manager and four of the big heavies in the SF gay community. He was sincere and forthcoming. I remember seeing David Duke in an interview talk about his history with the Clan, and he made it look like he was selling used cars. This was not one of those deals. The man has had so many of his tour dates cancelled, this is really infringing on his ability to make music. He has apologized, what more can a brother do?
The other thing is that Buju is Black, most of the protesters I have seen have been white and very few of them have listened to his music. What about homophobic ass Eminem? What about all these other artists who are constantly talking crazy about gay people and continue to get a pass? Why is it cool for them and this man who made ONE SONG EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO to have his career and livelihood assaulted? What logic makes that okay? What made "the leadership" decide that it was going to go after Buju? I'm just saying....we need to hold everyone accountable.
There is also some information out there that he was involved in an assault, as part of a mob, against a gay Jamaican man who was blinded in one eye. I don't know if that's true, but having been around him a little bit, and knowing my homegirl, I find it hard to believe that he'd do something like that. I'm not saying it didn't happen, just that it's hard to believe. Also the police have a real history of setting artists in JA up just to screw them over. Who knows what happened. I hope that he didn't do that.
I also have a very close friend who is involved in promoting the tour here in the Bay, and she's received death threats. Really folks?! DEATH THREATS? Come on now. That's extreme. And wrong. You can't cure hate with fear or more hate. Doesn't work.
I went to the San Francisco show and talked to the protesters. They were all reasonable people, no one got crazy, no fights, none of that. But later, in the show, right after Buju talked about sitting down with the gay leadership some numbnut sprayed the back up singers and audience with pepper spray! Again....really?! No one has any proof that it was linked, but I suspect it was. That's foul. The last place I expect to get pepper sprayed is at a reggae show. Contact high, yes. Pepper spray, no.
So...my ultimate point is that folks should practice forgiveness so we can all move forward. He's not the boogie man. He's not out there hurting gays nor does he encourage it. There are a lot of homophobic people out there, who have no problems with being so in public. Hating on people does not change their attitude, trust me I know. Racist white people do not give a damn how I feel about them. They have their own little caveman thoughts about me and mine, and there is very little I can do to change that. So, I give them a wide berth when I recognize them and if they threaten me, I do what I have to do. Simple as that. I refuse to let anyone take my loving heart or my humanity away with their ignorance. Won't happen. Life is too short and we have too many enemies as it is.
I think that's it. Spread love brothers and sisters, Love is the only way we can all win. No One, NO ONE is beyond Redemption. not even Buju.
Having said that, I love Liberation Music. All music that celebrates Freedom, Justice and Love, that's what I want my head to be filled with.
Buju has been getting the business from the LGBT community over a song that he made almost twenty years ago that talked about burning gays with acid, killing them, a lot of nasty ish. I don't think that's cool. That's lynching, a hate crime and as a human being I don't stand by that. But then I learned that the story isn't that simple.
He made the song when he was a teenager. The song was written, very quickly, in anger as a response to the news that some sexual tourist (read predator) had molested a young boy in Jamaica.
His record label doesn't even own the song, he makes no money from it. It was released after he was famous by someone else. He retains no rights to it at all.
He has performed it, but only rarely and the song has been recontextualized and paired with a love song to make it almost a different work entirely.
Now I am not saying Buju is going to march with the folks in the Pride Parade. I can't see that happening, but what he might do is continue to say that the beliefs in that song are no longer his beliefs. I was at a meeting with Buju, his manager and four of the big heavies in the SF gay community. He was sincere and forthcoming. I remember seeing David Duke in an interview talk about his history with the Clan, and he made it look like he was selling used cars. This was not one of those deals. The man has had so many of his tour dates cancelled, this is really infringing on his ability to make music. He has apologized, what more can a brother do?
The other thing is that Buju is Black, most of the protesters I have seen have been white and very few of them have listened to his music. What about homophobic ass Eminem? What about all these other artists who are constantly talking crazy about gay people and continue to get a pass? Why is it cool for them and this man who made ONE SONG EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO to have his career and livelihood assaulted? What logic makes that okay? What made "the leadership" decide that it was going to go after Buju? I'm just saying....we need to hold everyone accountable.
There is also some information out there that he was involved in an assault, as part of a mob, against a gay Jamaican man who was blinded in one eye. I don't know if that's true, but having been around him a little bit, and knowing my homegirl, I find it hard to believe that he'd do something like that. I'm not saying it didn't happen, just that it's hard to believe. Also the police have a real history of setting artists in JA up just to screw them over. Who knows what happened. I hope that he didn't do that.
I also have a very close friend who is involved in promoting the tour here in the Bay, and she's received death threats. Really folks?! DEATH THREATS? Come on now. That's extreme. And wrong. You can't cure hate with fear or more hate. Doesn't work.
I went to the San Francisco show and talked to the protesters. They were all reasonable people, no one got crazy, no fights, none of that. But later, in the show, right after Buju talked about sitting down with the gay leadership some numbnut sprayed the back up singers and audience with pepper spray! Again....really?! No one has any proof that it was linked, but I suspect it was. That's foul. The last place I expect to get pepper sprayed is at a reggae show. Contact high, yes. Pepper spray, no.
So...my ultimate point is that folks should practice forgiveness so we can all move forward. He's not the boogie man. He's not out there hurting gays nor does he encourage it. There are a lot of homophobic people out there, who have no problems with being so in public. Hating on people does not change their attitude, trust me I know. Racist white people do not give a damn how I feel about them. They have their own little caveman thoughts about me and mine, and there is very little I can do to change that. So, I give them a wide berth when I recognize them and if they threaten me, I do what I have to do. Simple as that. I refuse to let anyone take my loving heart or my humanity away with their ignorance. Won't happen. Life is too short and we have too many enemies as it is.
I think that's it. Spread love brothers and sisters, Love is the only way we can all win. No One, NO ONE is beyond Redemption. not even Buju.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Self Discipline, Maturity, Emergence, Chess and Golf
In the past year or so, I have been ever so slowly throwing off the parts of me that have been weighing me down. I stopped spending time with certain people, cut out most alcohol, ended poisonous relationships, tried to be more honest, started excercising and eating better, learned to play chess, and this past weekend I played my first game of real golf. Why? Because I have work to do and there is no one to do it but me, and I am determined to exceed my expectations of myself. Doing all of these things is teaching me to do and be better.
Ironically I have been walking around feeling like I am actually quite great. I am great, but only inside my head. In the world, I am not even close to doing what I am capable of. I have the thoughts and ideas, but I only recently started implementing them. I can't even begin to describe the incredible sense of mission that I feel around "Uplifting Fatherhood!" the organization that I have founded to deal with the crisis of absentee dads in the Black and Brown communities. For the first time in my adult life, I wake up excited to do and to be the best me. I've been reading Rush's twitters (@unclerush) and I understand his sense of mission. I don't want to waste one minute on bullshit.
Sometime around my birthday last year, a friend of mine taught me how to chess. I haven't played a lot this year, but I have played enough to understand that my mastery of this game will lead to self mastery. I have lived on the edge for a long time, relying almost entirely on my intuition to guide me. Chess, and other things have taught me to think several steps ahead, to master my impulses. Chess is teaching me to be a master mind.
About the fine game of Golf.
For years my Uncle Bob has been playing golf. He's great at it, and ran a highly successful youth golf program in EPA. Of the young people that were in his program 2 years or more, 100% of them attended college, and most of them on scholarships. Very few programs can claim that kind of success rate. I went out with him this past weekend, and had an absolutely horrible game, but a wonderful time. I love it, and I am going to get out there every chance I get. I had no idea of how to hold a club, to putt, to judge the wind, the course, none of that. I went out there and hacked around all day. One one hole I made par. All the others were disasters. My uncle lost patience with me and went ahead to the "real" golfers. It was great because I realized this is something that will help me.
Every single time I relaxed and just hit the ball, it was right. I focused on nothing but that ball, the club would connect, I'd hear "thwack!" and that little white ball would loft and travel far out onto the course, hopefully somewhere near the greens. I'd go hunting for it and again, try to make that ball fall in that little hole. I was sweaty, my arms started to hurt, and I was holding everyone up. "Just hit the BALL!" I heard that at least a dozen times. I understand now. Golf takes concentration and relaxation, it takes thought and consideration to be successful. In becoming a better golfer and chess player, I will become a better man. The self discipline that it will take for me to master the skills required to become excellent at golf and chess are the same skills that boost us to excellence in life.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
far too long
Let us discard racism
Like shit stained, old clothes
it weighs us down
holds us back
we stink of it
we fling it
everywhere we go
Cleansing ourselves
time consuming
but we have been
walking around in these shitty clothes
for far too long
MSH 9/3/09
Like shit stained, old clothes
it weighs us down
holds us back
we stink of it
we fling it
everywhere we go
Cleansing ourselves
time consuming
but we have been
walking around in these shitty clothes
for far too long
MSH 9/3/09
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