Trouble in the water

I'm troubled. There have been too many "Trayvon Martins" in this country. You know, I've written about this alot. I spend a lot of time thinking, writing and working on the lives of young people and not so young people. I've dedicated my career to making life better for folks who live here, and by extension, I hope the world. How is it in America, that we don't see that a man with a gun, stalks a black kid with a hoodie, calls him a "coon" shoots him dead, lies about it and still walks around free? How is this not racially motivated?
This is not an opportunity for us to draw further apart but closer together, so that we can develop a deeper understanding of one another.
Black people, we think we understand White America, but I am thinking that we don't. We can't. We can anticipate reactions, statements, actions and campaigns, but we can't know what it is like to be white.
White America, in all of it's various iterations, cannot understand what it is like to live in a Black man's body and reality in this America. I know because I do live in a Black man's body in America. It is a beautiful experience, because I choose it to be. It could be terrible. It could be deadly.

That boy's spirit is powerful because his image, his death has galvanized this country in a way that we have not been in a long, long time. We are talking about things that we've been afraid to discuss and that is a good thing because it is only by having these hard discussions will we emerge with a greater understanding of one another. When we acquire that deeper understanding we will be better equipped to move forward as a Society.
One Love,
M

One People

I've been waiting to write. Not that I lack things to write about. You can guess how I feel about young Trayvon Martin. Tragic. The political situation in our Nation. Absurd. The economy. Scary. My professional life. Growing. My personal life. None of your business.
Today, I had an experience that was personal and worth sharing. I spoke to the Entrepeneur Club of the Lafayette Chamber of Commerce. Beautiful.
There are few things I enjoy more than opening up my own heart and sharing with a group of people. I guess it's my gift, to reach out and be able to connect with people, one or one hundred. It feels good to make that heart to heart connection. The hard part is the other person may not want to or understand why we all need to connect.
It is because there are active forces in this world that would have us all believe the lie that we are not all one race. Human. Black, White, Brown, Tan, Yellow, Blue, Purple, whatever. All of us on this planet descended from the same human, we all share a common legacy. We are in fact one human family. The older I get, the more this truth shows itself to me. I believe it is part of my reason for being, to help others to realize this truth.
That is the beauty of the gift. To help others realize, same or different looking, circumstances of birth and condition, we are in fact one people, all striving to be loved, to love and to find our way. I refuse to accept any thing else.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitochondrial_Eve

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/dna-links-stone-age-tribe-to-first-humans-linked-by-dna-to-1175166.html

http://www.africaforever.org/origin-of-man.aspx

One Love.
-M

It's a mixed bag

Hello gentle readers...
Let me start off by saying that I am grateful for your readership. I heard through a friend today that her dude reads my blog and really likes it. That's great, because I really admire him. He's a great dad, and is in possession of a luminous spirit and a great smile. Also he can whoop some ass. He's a boxer. I believe in that. So....Mi. Ma., my brother congrats on the new life and all the blessings that are rushing in your direction.
One of my coworkers pointed out today that I am too damn old to be fighting and he's right, I should never be in a position that I have to put my hands on another human being. Not into it.
many things have occurred since last I wrote. I continue to not know what the hell to do to make my romantic life work. sucks. I actually know what not to do. lie. cheat. lie more. I've done all those things. not so good. not so much in line with my righteous self image. not so much. totally in line with my niggerish alter ego. totally.
shit ain't cool. i don't like that guy who did those things to the woman I love, but you know what? that dude is me too.
reconciling that behavior and thinking and the resultant effects well...that's my focus. so what's the prescription doc? How do i fix myself? meditate on it son. Leave women alone. Go inside and look at yourself. write. THERAPIST.
In time, I'll be okay because I have to be. I have to get better. I cannot, will not go back to being a sleaze bag. Will not do it. I'd sooner snort coke. Before I snort coke, I will die. can not, will not do it. shit ain't cool, but it is because I'm learning things about myself and the things that make me, me. so....that's cool. doesn't really make me happy, but it does make me know me better and that is a good thing. in time, i'll have some kind of way to smile.
I do have some things to be happy about. My son is graduating and will be a college freshman in the fall. That's an amazing thing. The kid has done it mostly by himself. I love him. He's amazing and I'm blessed because he's my son.
My daughter keeps sneaking little videos of her being silly on my phone. I love it. She's just the best.
I accepted a new job, it's more money and I think I'll like it. It is also the third job in just a few years. But you know what? I was recruited! Someone contacted me and then I actually negotiated a better deal for myself! wow.
Okay for some of you, "Big deal...." but some of you know me and you know I used to get fired. a lot. so....for me to be asked to come and work somewhere, to leave a job in good standing, with all my bridges intact, well that's powerful.
So I feel like shit but I do have some things to be happy about. I just don't feel like it  I miss her. and I feel like a complete a##hole. I know i'm not alone, plenty of us make stupid mistakes, blah, blah. I've heard it all, I don't want to hear it anymore. I did all the wrong things. These are my consequences. my challenge now is to arrest my thinking when I start on "I wish I had" and just deal with the reality of right now. That way, I stay focused and present.
If I stay focused and present, I remain clear and can focus on  my thoughts. If I focus and stay present, I come to understand myself more deeply.
The deeper understanding I have, the more I grow. I have grown, I have I know it, I am not the same person I was. I'm not "there" yet, but God willing I will get there. I have to. I owe it to my daughter to be a better man. Shit, I owe it to myself and the world. I can't fix what I did, but I can pay back the money. I can be there if she needs to talk to me, I can be honest about what i did.
you know what hurts? the fact that someone really loved my stupid stinking ass. I prayed for a love like that and I completely blew it.
I know I'm not alone. I don't need words of comfort or blame or any of that. this was a confession.
Oh yeah, I'm doing yoga. It's helped to focus my energy inward where I need it instead of outward where it's just causing trouble.

Happy New Year Space Pimps!

Happy 2012.
Supposedly this is the year all this shit is going to fall apart and something new is going to be born. Frankly, I think that would be awesome. What we have is clearly broken. Somehow more and more money is being generated, but as always the poor keep getting the short end of the stick, the prisons are ever more crowded, the kids are literally raping and killing one another in the streets and the baby boomers refuse to die.
I really like my new job. I'm working directly with Parolees, law enforcement and social services. It's a cool gig. Today, I went to a meeting at a local community college where our clients are going to be able to go to school and get support. I'm pretty excited for our clients.
Anyway peaceful people. Know that you are loved. Not by me at all, but somebody loves you!
Just kidding. I love you.

A hard head makes a soft ass

My dad always said this to me. A hard head makes a soft ass, meaning being stubborn and not listening makes life harder for you than it has to be. At the fine age of 41, I'm learning to not make the same mistakes over and over.
I've detailed some of my missteps and bad choices here in this forum. I've made some more recently, and the results again suck.
In any case, I also know that it's never too late to start doing the right thing. So....I've started doing the right things and make much better choices, and things are better.

On the right side of things, my bookstore business is picking up, I'm fixing my credit slowly. My son just told me that he got accepted into the University of Maryland! I can't believe my baby boy is going to be a college student in a year. I love it.

Anyway.

Spread love, be honest. It's better for everyone in the end.

#OCCUPYEVERYTHING

Pretty much.
The police have been raiding #occupy encampments all over the country. Mostly because they are ugly and they stink, and the people who we  "polite society" want to see the least, i.e. the homeless, the mentally compromised, the street kids, etc. They are attracted to the encampments and it's not pretty.
#Occupy can be a very ugly reminder that there are many of us for whom the American dream does not work.

Many of us in and outside this movement have a different understanding of capitalism. I cannot speak for everyone, only myself. My understanding of capitalism is that it is an economic system built on commodification and markets. Commodification is the practice of assigning a value to a thing, and marketing is the process of creating a need among consumers and then filling it. Capitalism allows it's participants to assign value and market anything, air, ovum, sperm, clean water, land and human life. I don't believe in this system because I deeply believe that there are many things that belong to all of us, like water, air, land, our private information. Capitalism cut it's teeth on American slavery. African labor was sold around the New World and traded for other commodities, alcohol, gold, indigo and cotton. 

Those of us (Africans, the Native Americans, the Colonized) are victims of capitalism. Vast numbers of us are displaced and devalued. I don't think that African Americans ever made a real recovery from Slavery.  To keep Africans suppressed and to get the buy-in from the rest of the "civilized" world, Africans had to be dehumanized. Much of our history as a people has been eradicated, our links to our homeland fractured so much so that many of us have no concept of ourselves as Africans in any context. This is a horrible crime against humanity. This forced historical amnesia, this forced separation is a direct byproduct of capitalism. But enough about that, Black History Month is three months away, check for me in February.

What's interesting about the #occupy movement to me is that now more of America is coming to see what it is like to be marginalized. Can't find a job, your self esteem is constantly under assault? People blaming you and looking down on you for being poor? Got to get on Public Assistance? Can't support your kids? Welcome to the Black People party. We've been singing this song for a long time and unable to get any relief. Sure, we've made some progress, but our wounds are deep, generational, and systemic. We've been here, at or close to the bottom of the barrel for 391 years. Yet and still, we've only been full, legal citizens of this country for less than 50 years. That's not really enough time to recover from the many years prior. We're going to need a long time and concerted effort to be healthy. Now many more Americans are being victimized by this system that tells us that the individual is the highest priority in society, that the desires of the individual is more important than the welfare of the many. To me, this system is inherently flawed. I'm burnt out really. Upset about the whole thing.

Man....sometimes I go far too long without posting to my blog. There's been so much going on.The cities are occupied. My gf and I broke up. I moved into a new apartment. Much more.

#OccupyOakland There's a lot to say about this. The people are speaking directly to the power structure. Folks are "Occupying" spaces all over the world. The semantics of it can be disturbing (are disturbing) people of conscience, we shouldn't be occupying anything. We should be liberating everything, decolonizing everything. The people are speaking in the streets, marching several times a week, holding meetings in the plazas, camping out and building this movement alongside one another.We are coming together, confronting the issues that have divided us and it is a beautiful thing. I have yet to camp out, but I may yet.
The police lost their minds on the crowd the other night, and that was the absolute wrong thing for them to do. There was no reason for them to attack. They attacked completely out of their own fear. Crazy. We the people, have the right to protest and to change our condition.
The police response to the #occupy protesters really reminded me of the #MOVE bombings in Philadelphia, 1985. Then too, we had a person in the Mayor's office. In Philadelphia, 1985 we had Wilson Goode, the first Black mayor in Philadelphia. Here in Oakland, 2011 we had Jean Quan, the cities first Chinese Mayor and first Woman Mayor. Both times, the mayors were out of town when the ish hit the fan. Both times we had city officials make decisions that were absolutely the wrong decision. 26 years ago, the Fire Chief and some police officers decided to drop a concussion bomb on the roof of a house in Philadelphia, in an effort to take out a "rooftop bunker". The bomb, which was supposed to be non incendiary, merely concussive, ignited the roof of that house and the resulting fire burnt down an entire city block. Bad move.
This time in Oakland, the cops used tear gas, rubber bullets and flash bang grenades on peaceful protesters. One of those flash bang grenades critically injured a Marine, Scott Olsen who was marching peacefully at the time with a Navy buddy. Bad move.
I learned that the OPD supposedly gets 60% of the municipal revenues. How do they justify 60%? We need those funds to keep schools open, to have good city services, to make our city better. The people will prevail.
Here is the link to an OccupyOakland website
http://www.occupyoakland.org/

Here's a YouTube video about what happened with the MOVE Organization.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-3BzrSVK0g
AND
the MOVE Organization website
http://www.onamove.com/

.....sidebar....my #eagles are whooping on the Dallas Cowboys right now. 34-0. wow.

love life. I won't say much about this, only that it got real deep in public and real ugly. I had been lying about unnecessary bullshit, and really not reaching out to my lady the way I should have. It's been about two months and I go to bed and wake up alone. I will say this-I've learned the importance of listening to my woman, of being honest and not listening to my lying ass ego. anyway. I am really working to get it together. Life the way I was living it is not sustainable. I really saw some ugliness in myself and I am now working to remove it, to reconcile with my higher self, and make amends for the pain I caused. It's not like it's the first time I messed something up, but hopefully, it will be the last.

My new apartment is the business. This is my third apartment, since I got off the street. I am just now starting to recover from that experience. It was horrible, but it made me stronger. The importance of being stable can not be over emphasized. Being unstable causes so much damage to a person. But I would have never have been in that situation had I made better decisions. I've learned a lot of things the hard way. I'm sure many of us have, I just write about mine. I write so much of this stuff, because I want to share my life with the hope that someone will learn and benefit.

Love and More Love.
-M